Blood Relations

Imagine the most crazy family reunion you've ever been to. You know, with the drunk aunts, naked uncles, punk cousins, rich grandparents, etc. You look around and think, "are these people really related to me?" You can't believe that the eighty-year-old dancing on the table is really a blood relation. Or maybe you see the resemblance all too well. And yet, these are the people that you are connected to. For life.

These people haunt your every waking hour, from the moment your mom calls to see if you're alive to the time when your older sibling outshines you in an activity, to the day when your dad decides to teach you how to fix a car. They seem like the most annoying people you know, the most obnoxious, nagging, persistent family ever, and you wish they would just leave you alone. But they can't.

You are tied to them and they are tied to you in a way that can never be broken. You may not believe me, but there will come a time when you will appreciate this bond. There are moments in life when all our friends abandon us, everything we held dear is ripped from our grasp, and the priorities we once had are switched around entirely. The moment that happens to you, you will realize that the one stable thing in your life that can never change is who you're related to. In that moment, the best thing you can do is call up a family member and tell them all their woes. Because even if you despise them, they will understand the gravity of the situation simply by the fact that you're calling them.

So, if you're looking for a best friend, turn to your sister, if you need advice, ask your father, if you need a guy to spend your Saturday evenings with, invite your brother to a movie. Trust me, it'll be worth it.

Poem?

I don't know if you'd call this a poem, or verses, or couplets, or what. But here's a simple something to make you smile.

When you're feeling down
Read these lines
When you need a laugh
Come to me

I know your troubles
I know your fears
I know life
I've known years

When you've lost your way
There's always a light
When the sky is gray
Rainbows shine

When sad and alone
It'll be okay
When things get tough
Don't go away

Rain is necessary
For plants to grow
Scabs are needed
To heal the wounds

Life is tough
There's no denying
But life is beautiful
and well worth trying

So light a candle
in the darkness
Make a light
That lasts through all

Don't be depressed
and sad and down
pick yourself up
and carry on

I Feel...

 A wise man once said, “the Holidays are a very emotional time.” I know it sounds silly and vague, but to him, it really meant something. To him, the Holidays contained a lot of memories and a certain aura that he could not shake. His past and present bombarded him with all of these feelings that he couldn't understand and associated the Holidays with this sensation. What he failed to realize, however, is that the Holidays aren't the only time that this happens.

Women, especially, are bombarded by feelings and memories constantly. I, personally, cannot walk into my bedroom without remembering all the times I have sat in there and cried by myself, danced to music, shouted out loud, talked to friends, read the most amazing stories, spent hours on homework and school, spent days doing nothing, and everything else that has happened inside that room. These memories bring back feelings of solitude, depression, joy, excitement, nostalgia, and wonder. This happens so much so that I cannot walk into my own bedroom without being bombarded by feelings and each time I'm in there I'm experiencing a different feeling and creating a new memory.

Our emotions certainly are more stimulated during the Holidays because of stress, excitement, joy, sorrow, etc. But emotions are always there, and they follow us wherever we go.

Our feelings can scare us at times, because they are so difficult to tame. Sometime they run rampant and create chaos in their wake. When we feel something and act on it the act can create unfortunate consequences. From that moment on, we label the feeling as “bad.” This is a mistake.

Feelings aren't bad. We have feelings for a reason. Feelings make us who we are. This is not coming from some psychologist or expert on the human emotions, but it is coming from me, a teenage girl who has had to deal with rampant emotions her entire life.

I can't tell you how many times I have randomly broken out crying in front of someone for reasons beyond my comprehension. I've gone into fits of rage and screamed at pillows for the wrong they've caused me. I often laugh out loud at my own thoughts without realizing it. I am a very emotional person. But this doesn't necessarily make me an unstable individual who needs to be institutionalized (although it might...). I've simply had to learn where and when are the best places and times to express my feelings.

There are times when acting on an emotion is completely acceptable and embraced. Laughing, for example, when you hear a funny joke is perfectly okay. Crying when someone you love has hurt you is almost necessary. Hunting down and bringing to justice someone who has wronged thousands of people is supported by all.

There are times, however, when you can't act according to your feelings. Falling in love with someone who is already in a relationship isn't wrong, but breaking up that person's relationship in order to bring him or her to you is unacceptable. Being bitter and angry at someone who has hurt you is normal, but hunting them down and killing everyone they love, torturing their family, and making them die a slow, horrible death is not okay.

Sometimes our feelings can be so strong, the need to act on them is too much to handle. These are the times when you need to back off from the situation and not give yourself any room to act. There was one time that I was in a public place, tons of people were hounding me with questions, opinions, and concerns so that I felt I was about to scream or cry or beat someone up. I ran out as fast as I could, hid in a quiet place, and waited until I could calm down. Sure, people thought I was weird, but at least no harm came to them. And my reputation hadn't been altered too much. Only because I knew my emotions were getting out of control and I knew how to rein them in was a disaster was avoided.

I could practically write a thesis on emotions and feelings. What I really want to say, however, is this; don't let anyone tell you that what you're feeling is “bad”. Just know how and when to act on your emotions and you'll be fine. It takes a lot of work, and even after 19 years, I've still got a long way to go.

I Miss You

This post is a shout-out to all those people I miss right now. You may not even know who you are. Some of you are family, some are friends, some are a mixture of both.

Some of the people I miss are down the hall from me right now. But I miss talking with them. I miss spending time with them. I miss hanging out with them, laughing, playing, joking around, and having fun with them. I miss spending time with the people I love because work, school, family, relationships, personal issues, and more have kept us apart.

A lot of the people I miss are thousands of miles away. They live across the country and I only see them a few times a year. Perhaps it's not the distance that makes me miss them so much as the lack of communication and emotional space between us. I don't write them enough and they don't write me. I miss them so much my heart aches, but I don't pick up the phone and call, go on the computer and write, or send a quick text because I'm focused on where I am physically and how much of a distance there is between us. It's stupid, really. My sister lives the same distance away and I chat with her every single day. I miss her too, by the way.

I miss the people that I talk to every day because they're thousands of miles away and I can't see their faces. I miss them because I know so much about them, I care about their lives, I love them so much, but I can't be with them. Even on the occasion that I can see their faces via video chat, it's not enough. Then I want to hold them, to hug them, to sit them down next to me and make them tell me everything.

There's more to it, though. I don't just miss people. I miss my life from the past. I miss being little and pretending our mailbox was an oven and cooking soup beneath it. I miss the days when I would walk over to my friend's house every day at 3:20 PM to greet her when she came home from school. I miss the days when I could go visit the chapel every time I had a spare moment. I miss the times when I lived with forty of the most awesome teenage girls I've ever met. I miss staying up late at night talking with my sister about the most random and stupid things. I miss going to Starbucks with my small group of friends and talking about our "intellectual superiority" after riding around in shopping carts.

Life just keeps going and it doesn't stop. Ever. It twists and changes and bends into things we never expected it to be. One day you wake up and realize that you haven't talked to your "best friend" in months. You'll understand that your baby sister is all grown up. You finally admit that those jeans just don't fit you anymore. Sometimes you just need to accept these changes of life and keep going. Other times, you need to pick up your cell phone and call your friend. You need to go on your computer and e-mail that person you miss. You need to eat healthier to be the happy person that used to be you. Maybe the reason we miss people and things is so that we can appreciate them more when we meet them again.

The Power of a Word

So many people today will say things without really thinking about their meaning. They'll say, "how are you?" without really caring how a person is doing, or "what's up" without actually wanting a response. Likewise, someone will yell swear words in a church without thinking about how blasphemous it is. They will take God's name in vain like it's the most normal thing in the world. The power of words has been lost. Perhaps not forever, but it's very sadly absent.

Think about how most of your conversations go, for example, and think of how they affect your life. Whenever I speak with a certain group of my friends, it's always about something negative, or gossip, or how bad life is for them. Another group of friends only talks about themselves. They'll sit together for hours and just tell stories about their lives, things that have happened to them, or why they're better than me. Some of my friends only talk about video games, comic books, movies, or TV shows. They'll criticize some movies, praise others, and generally affect my view of those particular pieces of media.
These conversations not only affect my view of those people and how I interact with them, but also how I respond to life. If I spent most of my time around those people who love to gossip and talk about depressing things, I would most likely become a girl who enjoys to gossip and brings others down through her words. If I hung around the people who always talk about themselves, I would probably become more self-absorbed and constantly try to prove myself to others. The words that are spoken and the way they're said can affect my life and who I am.

The words I say, as well, can affect how other people view me. Imagine for a moment that you meet someone for the first time. They introduce themselves calmly and casually. You respond with, "Hey! I'm Lola, totally &*%$ and I hate %$@&. " They would probably perceive you as a bad influence on their children and keep you at arms length. You would probably think they were a cool person, and regret having made such a horrible impression.
But it's not just introductions that can affect how people view you. I've known one man for a long time. I respect him and think he's an awesome business man and leader. However, just the other day I heard him cussing and belittling people I know really well, and my opinion of him dropped by several points. That's not to say he's any less of an awesome person, it's just how I view him that has changed.

Facebook and other social networks give us many more opportunities to forget the meaning of words. It's so easy to post something on facebook and ignore the consequences because you don't actually have to say anything to someone face to face. You could post something horrible on another person's wall, de-friend them, and never have to talk to them again. It's so easy to forget that there are consequences to what we say and write. Even chatting with people has to be thought of a little less casually, because it is so easy to misinterpret a message or a text.

I'd like to end by saying, I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do and not to. I'm just writing down what I've had to learn the hard way. There was one time when I was younger, I wanted to stay at a friend's house overnight instead of going to a church picnic with my family. I don't remember exactly what I said to my dad, all I know is that it got me grounded for the rest of the weekend, and I didn't get to go to the picnic or my friend's house. When my dad came to talk to me about it, he said, "It's not what you do or say that matters, it's how people perceive it."  And so, I always have to take a step back and think, "how is the person reading/hearing this going to understand it?" And sometimes they still misinterpret, but I try to be as clear and concise as possible... (Looks at everything she's written) ... Most of the time...

Hey There!

You have no idea of the power of these words. Reaching out to someone you don't know can be one of the most important things you ever do. Asking someone you know how they're doing can change the course of your life forever. Caring about anyone can make the world a different place.

Personally, I'm an introvert, and I hate being around people. One or two really close friends is fine, but when it comes to big groups or people I don't know, I feel like crawling into a corner and hiding until they go away. This not being an option in most social situations, so I choose instead to introduce myself.
"Hey! Are you new here? What's your name? Where are you from? Why are you here? What is the most important thing in the universe?" Questions like these follow, and I either end up in a very awkward situation, or with a new best friend. Usually, the former, but on the rare occasion that the latter happens, it's completely worth all the awkward situations in the world.

People are lonely. Everyone could use a friend. No man is an island. Perhaps the next time you see someone in need, you could reach out to them instead. This isn't just hard for introverts either, extroverts seem to have a hard time focusing on one person and helping them out in time of need. Sometimes that person just needs you to listen and be sympathetic, even if you'd rather go out and party with a million other people. Be a friend. You could probably use it too.

Help Me!

Do you ever reach a point in your life where everything and everyone is against you and all you can do is scream, "Help me!!" to the entire world hoping someone will hear and answer you? I have reached this point several times, and let me tell you, it's not fun. Especially if no one is there for you.

Have you ever had that experience of going about your normal, everyday business only to be interrupted by a text that simply says, "I'm having a horrible day. Can we hang out later?" You look at your watch and find that you have about negative five minutes in your day that you can set aside for this friend. Yeah, I've been there too.

The problem with the first scenario is that you never actually say, "help me" in those exact words because that would be too desperate, too depressing, and too forward. Therefore you settle with something like, "hey, wanna do something later?"
The problem with the second scenario is that you'll often get a text that just says, "Hey, wanna hang out later?" It will say nothing of how desperately in need of help the person is, and is therefore easy to ignore.

So, what are you supposed to do? How do you show people that you're in dire need of their help when you're too scared to admit it to yourself? How do you get the help you need without sounding too desperate? Well, it's rather simple really. Say, "I need to talk to you." Or "Can you please help me, I'm not doing so great." Be willing to show someone how much you really need their help in that moment instead of trying to play the tough guy and bear it all yourself.

What if you're on the other end? What if you get a text saying, "hey, let's hang out tonight"? It's very simple: respond. You never know if they're actually in need of help or if they just want to spend time with you. Either way, make it a priority in life to be a friend. A busy schedule means nothing when your friend is in need. Trust me, I know. I'm a full-time student with two part-time jobs. I've got an apartment to keep up, my own meals to cook, and I babysit regularly. I've also got friends, somehow. When they need a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, or even a text of reassurance, I make time for them. I change my work schedule, work around classes, and cancel extra activities just to help them out.
Try it sometime. It'll make you a better person.