This post is a shout-out to all those people I miss right now. You may not even know who you are. Some of you are family, some are friends, some are a mixture of both.
Some of the people I miss are down the hall from me right now. But I miss talking with them. I miss spending time with them. I miss hanging out with them, laughing, playing, joking around, and having fun with them. I miss spending time with the people I love because work, school, family, relationships, personal issues, and more have kept us apart.
A lot of the people I miss are thousands of miles away. They live across the country and I only see them a few times a year. Perhaps it's not the distance that makes me miss them so much as the lack of communication and emotional space between us. I don't write them enough and they don't write me. I miss them so much my heart aches, but I don't pick up the phone and call, go on the computer and write, or send a quick text because I'm focused on where I am physically and how much of a distance there is between us. It's stupid, really. My sister lives the same distance away and I chat with her every single day. I miss her too, by the way.
I miss the people that I talk to every day because they're thousands of miles away and I can't see their faces. I miss them because I know so much about them, I care about their lives, I love them so much, but I can't be with them. Even on the occasion that I can see their faces via video chat, it's not enough. Then I want to hold them, to hug them, to sit them down next to me and make them tell me everything.
There's more to it, though. I don't just miss people. I miss my life from the past. I miss being little and pretending our mailbox was an oven and cooking soup beneath it. I miss the days when I would walk over to my friend's house every day at 3:20 PM to greet her when she came home from school. I miss the days when I could go visit the chapel every time I had a spare moment. I miss the times when I lived with forty of the most awesome teenage girls I've ever met. I miss staying up late at night talking with my sister about the most random and stupid things. I miss going to Starbucks with my small group of friends and talking about our "intellectual superiority" after riding around in shopping carts.
Life just keeps going and it doesn't stop. Ever. It twists and changes and bends into things we never expected it to be. One day you wake up and realize that you haven't talked to your "best friend" in months. You'll understand that your baby sister is all grown up. You finally admit that those jeans just don't fit you anymore. Sometimes you just need to accept these changes of life and keep going. Other times, you need to pick up your cell phone and call your friend. You need to go on your computer and e-mail that person you miss. You need to eat healthier to be the happy person that used to be you. Maybe the reason we miss people and things is so that we can appreciate them more when we meet them again.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Power of a Word
So many people today will say things without really thinking about their meaning. They'll say, "how are you?" without really caring how a person is doing, or "what's up" without actually wanting a response. Likewise, someone will yell swear words in a church without thinking about how blasphemous it is. They will take God's name in vain like it's the most normal thing in the world. The power of words has been lost. Perhaps not forever, but it's very sadly absent.
Think about how most of your conversations go, for example, and think of how they affect your life. Whenever I speak with a certain group of my friends, it's always about something negative, or gossip, or how bad life is for them. Another group of friends only talks about themselves. They'll sit together for hours and just tell stories about their lives, things that have happened to them, or why they're better than me. Some of my friends only talk about video games, comic books, movies, or TV shows. They'll criticize some movies, praise others, and generally affect my view of those particular pieces of media.
These conversations not only affect my view of those people and how I interact with them, but also how I respond to life. If I spent most of my time around those people who love to gossip and talk about depressing things, I would most likely become a girl who enjoys to gossip and brings others down through her words. If I hung around the people who always talk about themselves, I would probably become more self-absorbed and constantly try to prove myself to others. The words that are spoken and the way they're said can affect my life and who I am.
The words I say, as well, can affect how other people view me. Imagine for a moment that you meet someone for the first time. They introduce themselves calmly and casually. You respond with, "Hey! I'm Lola, totally &*%$ and I hate %$@&. " They would probably perceive you as a bad influence on their children and keep you at arms length. You would probably think they were a cool person, and regret having made such a horrible impression.
But it's not just introductions that can affect how people view you. I've known one man for a long time. I respect him and think he's an awesome business man and leader. However, just the other day I heard him cussing and belittling people I know really well, and my opinion of him dropped by several points. That's not to say he's any less of an awesome person, it's just how I view him that has changed.
Facebook and other social networks give us many more opportunities to forget the meaning of words. It's so easy to post something on facebook and ignore the consequences because you don't actually have to say anything to someone face to face. You could post something horrible on another person's wall, de-friend them, and never have to talk to them again. It's so easy to forget that there are consequences to what we say and write. Even chatting with people has to be thought of a little less casually, because it is so easy to misinterpret a message or a text.
I'd like to end by saying, I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do and not to. I'm just writing down what I've had to learn the hard way. There was one time when I was younger, I wanted to stay at a friend's house overnight instead of going to a church picnic with my family. I don't remember exactly what I said to my dad, all I know is that it got me grounded for the rest of the weekend, and I didn't get to go to the picnic or my friend's house. When my dad came to talk to me about it, he said, "It's not what you do or say that matters, it's how people perceive it." And so, I always have to take a step back and think, "how is the person reading/hearing this going to understand it?" And sometimes they still misinterpret, but I try to be as clear and concise as possible... (Looks at everything she's written) ... Most of the time...
Think about how most of your conversations go, for example, and think of how they affect your life. Whenever I speak with a certain group of my friends, it's always about something negative, or gossip, or how bad life is for them. Another group of friends only talks about themselves. They'll sit together for hours and just tell stories about their lives, things that have happened to them, or why they're better than me. Some of my friends only talk about video games, comic books, movies, or TV shows. They'll criticize some movies, praise others, and generally affect my view of those particular pieces of media.
These conversations not only affect my view of those people and how I interact with them, but also how I respond to life. If I spent most of my time around those people who love to gossip and talk about depressing things, I would most likely become a girl who enjoys to gossip and brings others down through her words. If I hung around the people who always talk about themselves, I would probably become more self-absorbed and constantly try to prove myself to others. The words that are spoken and the way they're said can affect my life and who I am.
The words I say, as well, can affect how other people view me. Imagine for a moment that you meet someone for the first time. They introduce themselves calmly and casually. You respond with, "Hey! I'm Lola, totally &*%$ and I hate %$@&. " They would probably perceive you as a bad influence on their children and keep you at arms length. You would probably think they were a cool person, and regret having made such a horrible impression.
But it's not just introductions that can affect how people view you. I've known one man for a long time. I respect him and think he's an awesome business man and leader. However, just the other day I heard him cussing and belittling people I know really well, and my opinion of him dropped by several points. That's not to say he's any less of an awesome person, it's just how I view him that has changed.
Facebook and other social networks give us many more opportunities to forget the meaning of words. It's so easy to post something on facebook and ignore the consequences because you don't actually have to say anything to someone face to face. You could post something horrible on another person's wall, de-friend them, and never have to talk to them again. It's so easy to forget that there are consequences to what we say and write. Even chatting with people has to be thought of a little less casually, because it is so easy to misinterpret a message or a text.
I'd like to end by saying, I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do and not to. I'm just writing down what I've had to learn the hard way. There was one time when I was younger, I wanted to stay at a friend's house overnight instead of going to a church picnic with my family. I don't remember exactly what I said to my dad, all I know is that it got me grounded for the rest of the weekend, and I didn't get to go to the picnic or my friend's house. When my dad came to talk to me about it, he said, "It's not what you do or say that matters, it's how people perceive it." And so, I always have to take a step back and think, "how is the person reading/hearing this going to understand it?" And sometimes they still misinterpret, but I try to be as clear and concise as possible... (Looks at everything she's written) ... Most of the time...
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Hey There!
You have no idea of the power of these words. Reaching out to someone you don't know can be one of the most important things you ever do. Asking someone you know how they're doing can change the course of your life forever. Caring about anyone can make the world a different place.
Personally, I'm an introvert, and I hate being around people. One or two really close friends is fine, but when it comes to big groups or people I don't know, I feel like crawling into a corner and hiding until they go away. This not being an option in most social situations, so I choose instead to introduce myself.
"Hey! Are you new here? What's your name? Where are you from? Why are you here? What is the most important thing in the universe?" Questions like these follow, and I either end up in a very awkward situation, or with a new best friend. Usually, the former, but on the rare occasion that the latter happens, it's completely worth all the awkward situations in the world.
People are lonely. Everyone could use a friend. No man is an island. Perhaps the next time you see someone in need, you could reach out to them instead. This isn't just hard for introverts either, extroverts seem to have a hard time focusing on one person and helping them out in time of need. Sometimes that person just needs you to listen and be sympathetic, even if you'd rather go out and party with a million other people. Be a friend. You could probably use it too.
Personally, I'm an introvert, and I hate being around people. One or two really close friends is fine, but when it comes to big groups or people I don't know, I feel like crawling into a corner and hiding until they go away. This not being an option in most social situations, so I choose instead to introduce myself.
"Hey! Are you new here? What's your name? Where are you from? Why are you here? What is the most important thing in the universe?" Questions like these follow, and I either end up in a very awkward situation, or with a new best friend. Usually, the former, but on the rare occasion that the latter happens, it's completely worth all the awkward situations in the world.
People are lonely. Everyone could use a friend. No man is an island. Perhaps the next time you see someone in need, you could reach out to them instead. This isn't just hard for introverts either, extroverts seem to have a hard time focusing on one person and helping them out in time of need. Sometimes that person just needs you to listen and be sympathetic, even if you'd rather go out and party with a million other people. Be a friend. You could probably use it too.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Help Me!
Do you ever reach a point in your life where everything and everyone is against you and all you can do is scream, "Help me!!" to the entire world hoping someone will hear and answer you? I have reached this point several times, and let me tell you, it's not fun. Especially if no one is there for you.
Have you ever had that experience of going about your normal, everyday business only to be interrupted by a text that simply says, "I'm having a horrible day. Can we hang out later?" You look at your watch and find that you have about negative five minutes in your day that you can set aside for this friend. Yeah, I've been there too.
The problem with the first scenario is that you never actually say, "help me" in those exact words because that would be too desperate, too depressing, and too forward. Therefore you settle with something like, "hey, wanna do something later?"
The problem with the second scenario is that you'll often get a text that just says, "Hey, wanna hang out later?" It will say nothing of how desperately in need of help the person is, and is therefore easy to ignore.
So, what are you supposed to do? How do you show people that you're in dire need of their help when you're too scared to admit it to yourself? How do you get the help you need without sounding too desperate? Well, it's rather simple really. Say, "I need to talk to you." Or "Can you please help me, I'm not doing so great." Be willing to show someone how much you really need their help in that moment instead of trying to play the tough guy and bear it all yourself.
What if you're on the other end? What if you get a text saying, "hey, let's hang out tonight"? It's very simple: respond. You never know if they're actually in need of help or if they just want to spend time with you. Either way, make it a priority in life to be a friend. A busy schedule means nothing when your friend is in need. Trust me, I know. I'm a full-time student with two part-time jobs. I've got an apartment to keep up, my own meals to cook, and I babysit regularly. I've also got friends, somehow. When they need a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, or even a text of reassurance, I make time for them. I change my work schedule, work around classes, and cancel extra activities just to help them out.
Try it sometime. It'll make you a better person.
Have you ever had that experience of going about your normal, everyday business only to be interrupted by a text that simply says, "I'm having a horrible day. Can we hang out later?" You look at your watch and find that you have about negative five minutes in your day that you can set aside for this friend. Yeah, I've been there too.
The problem with the first scenario is that you never actually say, "help me" in those exact words because that would be too desperate, too depressing, and too forward. Therefore you settle with something like, "hey, wanna do something later?"
The problem with the second scenario is that you'll often get a text that just says, "Hey, wanna hang out later?" It will say nothing of how desperately in need of help the person is, and is therefore easy to ignore.
So, what are you supposed to do? How do you show people that you're in dire need of their help when you're too scared to admit it to yourself? How do you get the help you need without sounding too desperate? Well, it's rather simple really. Say, "I need to talk to you." Or "Can you please help me, I'm not doing so great." Be willing to show someone how much you really need their help in that moment instead of trying to play the tough guy and bear it all yourself.
What if you're on the other end? What if you get a text saying, "hey, let's hang out tonight"? It's very simple: respond. You never know if they're actually in need of help or if they just want to spend time with you. Either way, make it a priority in life to be a friend. A busy schedule means nothing when your friend is in need. Trust me, I know. I'm a full-time student with two part-time jobs. I've got an apartment to keep up, my own meals to cook, and I babysit regularly. I've also got friends, somehow. When they need a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, or even a text of reassurance, I make time for them. I change my work schedule, work around classes, and cancel extra activities just to help them out.
Try it sometime. It'll make you a better person.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Time
Time is a strange thing. Time is relative. Time is absolute. Time is aplenty. Time is scarce. Time is short. Time is forever. Time is weird.
Think about it. Time just goes on and on and on. Each and every day, there's time. There always has been time, for as long as anyone can remember. But there was a time when there was no time. Or does that even make sense? There will be a time when there is no time. Or will there?
Time is relative. On the East coast it's seven o'clock. On the West coast, it's four o'clock. In Australia, it's tomorrow.
When you're sitting in an airplane for hours, like I am right now, time goes by very slowly. When you're out with your friends having a great time, time flies.
A week for a five year old is a really long time. A week for an adult is a very short time indeed.
Time is absolute. Ten minutes from now, it will be ten minutes later than it is right now. No matter where you are in the world, that is true.
Being in time-out for five minutes is torture whether you're five years old or fifteen.
Being in time-out for five minutes is torture whether you're five years old or fifteen.
Watching a pot boil always takes forever, because it's such a boring activity.
Going on a roller coaster is always too short, and leaves you wanting more time.
Time is precious. We only have a certain amount of it in our lifetime. We have less and less time every moment of every day. Our time can run out at any moment. We can lose a moment so easily, and never get it back. If we don't value the time we have, we'll never appreciate life properly.
Time is annoying. There are only sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour, twenty-four hours in a day, seven days a week, and fifty-two weeks in a year. We never have enough time to do everything we want to do. If time were limitless, we'd get everything done, right?
Wrong. We have just the right amount of time to do everything we should do. If we learned to organize it better, not waste any, divide it proportionally, and use it well, there would be the perfect amount of time.
But, we're only human, and we mess up. A lot. And that's okay. We have time to learn from our mistakes. We have time to stop and think about life. We have time to work things out and make things better. We have time to learn how to use time.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Change
Change can be really annoying. At one moment you think the world is perfect, the next, everything changes.
Change can happen suddenly, where you're on the edge of a cliff one moment and the next you're dead, becuase your cat decided to scare you at that moment, which is a sudden change from her normal, purring, happy attitude.
Or, change can be gradual. Your cat has been growing more and more menacing toward you because you keep forgetting to take the bones out of her favorite salmon dish. You should have know better than to take her to the edge of a cliff with you, but you didn't see the change because it was so gradual, and the next thing you know, you're dead.
Okay, let's use a less drastic example. Friendships. Two girls can be friends for eighteen years, and then get into a fight one day (probably over a boy) and never talk again. Or, they can slowly grow apart, until they're thirty and think, "I wonder what happened to that girl that I used to hang out with when I was younger. She was so nice."
Change can happen in any area of life. It can be in friendships, as mentioned, in workplaces, social status, location, temperature, color, body weight, hair style, candy choices, and fashion preferences. Change can happen when we least expect it. Change can happen the moment we decide for it to happen.
Change can be for better or for worse. Take a change in social circles, for example. You will move away from some old friends, but meet new friends at the same time. Losing the old friends is an example of bad change, if those friends really meant something to you. Making new friends is a good change, especially if you can form wholesome relationships with them.
Change must be taken in stride, from one day to the next. Change cannot be helped, no matter how hard we try to stop it. Change will make us stronger, even if it hurts us in the process. Let us embrace it, and use it for good.
Change can happen suddenly, where you're on the edge of a cliff one moment and the next you're dead, becuase your cat decided to scare you at that moment, which is a sudden change from her normal, purring, happy attitude.
Or, change can be gradual. Your cat has been growing more and more menacing toward you because you keep forgetting to take the bones out of her favorite salmon dish. You should have know better than to take her to the edge of a cliff with you, but you didn't see the change because it was so gradual, and the next thing you know, you're dead.
Okay, let's use a less drastic example. Friendships. Two girls can be friends for eighteen years, and then get into a fight one day (probably over a boy) and never talk again. Or, they can slowly grow apart, until they're thirty and think, "I wonder what happened to that girl that I used to hang out with when I was younger. She was so nice."
Change can happen in any area of life. It can be in friendships, as mentioned, in workplaces, social status, location, temperature, color, body weight, hair style, candy choices, and fashion preferences. Change can happen when we least expect it. Change can happen the moment we decide for it to happen.
Change can be for better or for worse. Take a change in social circles, for example. You will move away from some old friends, but meet new friends at the same time. Losing the old friends is an example of bad change, if those friends really meant something to you. Making new friends is a good change, especially if you can form wholesome relationships with them.
Change must be taken in stride, from one day to the next. Change cannot be helped, no matter how hard we try to stop it. Change will make us stronger, even if it hurts us in the process. Let us embrace it, and use it for good.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Fear
The title of this post probably makes you afraid to read it. Don't worry, I'm not trying to instill fear, just understand it a little more deeply.
Fear comes at any given moment. You can be afraid of anything, anyone, or anywhere for no apparent reason. There are people in this world so deathly afraid of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of their mouths, there's a name for that fear; "Arachibutyrophobia."
Fear is like a monster, lurking around any corner. Fear is the thought that there could be monster around the next corner. Fear is a scary thing.
Sometimes fear itself can be your fear. You can be so afraid of that moment when something startles you, your heart will jump, and your breath will catch. You can be afraid of being paralyzed by that fright and not being able to act. You can be afraid, not of the monster around the corner, but by the fear that monster causes.
Everyone's afraid of something. Some are afraid of spiders, others of snakes, some of aliens, and some of peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of their mouths. But, Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Meaning, there's no reason to be afraid of spiders, snakes, aliens, and peanut butter. There is a reason to fear that moment of paralyzing fear, because you never know when it's going to come and how you will handle it.
Fear comes at any given moment. You can be afraid of anything, anyone, or anywhere for no apparent reason. There are people in this world so deathly afraid of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of their mouths, there's a name for that fear; "Arachibutyrophobia."
Fear is like a monster, lurking around any corner. Fear is the thought that there could be monster around the next corner. Fear is a scary thing.
Sometimes fear itself can be your fear. You can be so afraid of that moment when something startles you, your heart will jump, and your breath will catch. You can be afraid of being paralyzed by that fright and not being able to act. You can be afraid, not of the monster around the corner, but by the fear that monster causes.
Everyone's afraid of something. Some are afraid of spiders, others of snakes, some of aliens, and some of peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of their mouths. But, Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Meaning, there's no reason to be afraid of spiders, snakes, aliens, and peanut butter. There is a reason to fear that moment of paralyzing fear, because you never know when it's going to come and how you will handle it.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Normal Doesn't Exist
Okay, the title of this post is a lie, but it sounded cool. There is a certain amount of normality in life, otherwise there would be no such thing as "freaks", "weirdos", or "strange" people. At the same time, though, not everyone is a cookie-cutter clone of another. (I should note here that cookie cutters do not make every cookie the same, there's always something that goes weird, but that's beside the point.)
Normal isn't what we think it is. Normal isn't having the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect house, and the perfect group of friends. Normal isn't being invisible and doing what everyone else does. Normal isn't thinking the way society tells you, and normal isn't about how others perceive you at all.
But there are things that are normal for everyone. It's perfectly normal to feel sad when someone hurts you. It's normal to be happy when someone loves you. It's normal to fall head over heels for the person you love. It's normal to laugh, cry, hurt, love, feel, and think on a daily basis.
It's also normal to do things society tells you are "strange". It's normal not to feel sad at a funeral, believe it or not. It's normal to want to be different. It's normal to feel the urge to scream in public when you're upset. It's normal to come up with crazy plans that will never work just to get the thing or person you want. It's normal to be unique and different.
Some things our culture tells us are normal really aren't, though. Girls getting pregnant at a young age without a husband is not normal, it's a scandal every time it happens. Teenagers yelling at their parents when they're upset is not normal, it's usually discouraged. Finding the perfect man, falling in love, and living happily ever after is not normal. It's a fairy tale.
I'm not telling you this to discourage you. I'm saying that life isn't always the way TV and movies tell us it is. Life is usually a lot more "normal" than they make it out to be. And that's okay, because the way we, as humans, "normally" behave is very interesting to watch.
If you want to know what "normal human beings" are like, visit www.mylifeisaverage.com. It's a website full of stories about average people doing average things. You'll be surprised at how "strange" everyone is.
Normal isn't what we think it is. Normal isn't having the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect house, and the perfect group of friends. Normal isn't being invisible and doing what everyone else does. Normal isn't thinking the way society tells you, and normal isn't about how others perceive you at all.
But there are things that are normal for everyone. It's perfectly normal to feel sad when someone hurts you. It's normal to be happy when someone loves you. It's normal to fall head over heels for the person you love. It's normal to laugh, cry, hurt, love, feel, and think on a daily basis.
It's also normal to do things society tells you are "strange". It's normal not to feel sad at a funeral, believe it or not. It's normal to want to be different. It's normal to feel the urge to scream in public when you're upset. It's normal to come up with crazy plans that will never work just to get the thing or person you want. It's normal to be unique and different.
Some things our culture tells us are normal really aren't, though. Girls getting pregnant at a young age without a husband is not normal, it's a scandal every time it happens. Teenagers yelling at their parents when they're upset is not normal, it's usually discouraged. Finding the perfect man, falling in love, and living happily ever after is not normal. It's a fairy tale.
I'm not telling you this to discourage you. I'm saying that life isn't always the way TV and movies tell us it is. Life is usually a lot more "normal" than they make it out to be. And that's okay, because the way we, as humans, "normally" behave is very interesting to watch.
If you want to know what "normal human beings" are like, visit www.mylifeisaverage.com. It's a website full of stories about average people doing average things. You'll be surprised at how "strange" everyone is.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Heart vs. Mind
Do you ever feel like your heart is pulling you in one direction and your mind in another? Yeah, me too. All the time. I'll feel like doing one thing, while knowing I should do be doing something else. My heart is pulling at me with all it's might, but my logical mind won't let me go that way for some reason or another.
The problem with our feelings is that they're not always right. The problem with our reasoning is that we can reason ourselves into anything.
As a normal human being, my feelings are up and down, left and right, North, East, West, and South. They make me want to laugh, cry, yell, and hide all at the same time. I never know what they're gonna do next, and when something emotional happens, I can't deal with it. My heart tells me all these things, and I don't always know what they mean or what to do with the information.
When it comes to reasoning things out, I'm not much better. If I think long enough about anything, I can make it seem okay in my mind. I can convince myself that watching TV for hours is good for me, because I need a break from life. I can get myself to believe that spending $20 on a new shirt is worth it because I don't really need to buy groceries this week. I even convinced myself once that banging my head against the wall would make my hair grow faster because hair was simply dead cells and you killed thousands of cells every time you hit your head.
So, what do you do when your mind and heart are at complete odds with each other? What do you do when you feel like sitting around and watching TV all day, but you know you should be working on something important? Or, how do you cope with a situation where your heart is telling you that you really like a person, but your mind tells you he or she is completely wrong for you? And who's to say that "knowing" the person is wrong for you isn't just another feeling, that of fear or selfishness?
There's another aspect that a lot of people seem to forget about. I know I do sometimes. The last aspect is called, "the will". The will is what makes us do anything. The will unites the heart and mind and turns them into action. When we've got feelings, or thoughts, we often have to choose to act on them or not. Usually, we act on feelings. Sometimes it's just because we get caught up in the moment, or because our feelings are clouding our judgment.
Our will shows us what we really are. My actions show who I am inside. If I feel like hitting my head on the wall in frustration and my mind is telling me that it'll help my hair grow, but I decide not to, then my actions are showing that I'm not insane and people will be less inclined to call me so.
If I really like a guy, but my mind is telling me to go slow, and I decide to go with the flow of my feelings instead of rational thoughts, things could go very badly. I could get myself into a very emotionally driven relationship that will probably end in heartbreak and depression. This action will show me to be a very fickle person when it comes to relationships, and people will be less likely to trust me in the future.
So, basically, I don't have all the answers. I never claimed to. But I know what it's like to have two parts of myself fighting, and only being able to chose one course of action. I know to slow down and think what the consequences of my actions could be. I know that people care less about how I think and feel than they do about how I act on those thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps, one day, my mind, heart, and will be in one accord. Probably not. From what I know about life, I probably just have to deal with it.
The problem with our feelings is that they're not always right. The problem with our reasoning is that we can reason ourselves into anything.
As a normal human being, my feelings are up and down, left and right, North, East, West, and South. They make me want to laugh, cry, yell, and hide all at the same time. I never know what they're gonna do next, and when something emotional happens, I can't deal with it. My heart tells me all these things, and I don't always know what they mean or what to do with the information.
When it comes to reasoning things out, I'm not much better. If I think long enough about anything, I can make it seem okay in my mind. I can convince myself that watching TV for hours is good for me, because I need a break from life. I can get myself to believe that spending $20 on a new shirt is worth it because I don't really need to buy groceries this week. I even convinced myself once that banging my head against the wall would make my hair grow faster because hair was simply dead cells and you killed thousands of cells every time you hit your head.
So, what do you do when your mind and heart are at complete odds with each other? What do you do when you feel like sitting around and watching TV all day, but you know you should be working on something important? Or, how do you cope with a situation where your heart is telling you that you really like a person, but your mind tells you he or she is completely wrong for you? And who's to say that "knowing" the person is wrong for you isn't just another feeling, that of fear or selfishness?
There's another aspect that a lot of people seem to forget about. I know I do sometimes. The last aspect is called, "the will". The will is what makes us do anything. The will unites the heart and mind and turns them into action. When we've got feelings, or thoughts, we often have to choose to act on them or not. Usually, we act on feelings. Sometimes it's just because we get caught up in the moment, or because our feelings are clouding our judgment.
Our will shows us what we really are. My actions show who I am inside. If I feel like hitting my head on the wall in frustration and my mind is telling me that it'll help my hair grow, but I decide not to, then my actions are showing that I'm not insane and people will be less inclined to call me so.
If I really like a guy, but my mind is telling me to go slow, and I decide to go with the flow of my feelings instead of rational thoughts, things could go very badly. I could get myself into a very emotionally driven relationship that will probably end in heartbreak and depression. This action will show me to be a very fickle person when it comes to relationships, and people will be less likely to trust me in the future.
So, basically, I don't have all the answers. I never claimed to. But I know what it's like to have two parts of myself fighting, and only being able to chose one course of action. I know to slow down and think what the consequences of my actions could be. I know that people care less about how I think and feel than they do about how I act on those thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps, one day, my mind, heart, and will be in one accord. Probably not. From what I know about life, I probably just have to deal with it.
Monday, September 12, 2011
We Make Plans
Everyone makes plans. Plans for life, plans for the year, plans for the next day, plans for the next hour. We all have plans. Even now.
In about fifteen minutes I plan on picking my mom up from work. Tomorrow, I plan on seeing my older sister. Next week I plan on flying back to college. This year I plan on getting good grades in school. In two years from now I plan on graduating and getting a job. Several more years after that, I plan on marrying and having kids. I have plans for my life. Everyone does.
And there's nothing wrong with having plans. Plans are good, they give us a goal, a place to go in life. The problem comes when things don't go according to plan. Which happens every day.
This morning, I planned on sleeping in until ten, because it's Summer vacation, and I usually have to wake up really early on Monday mornings. Of course, I told my mom, my sister, and my friends, "I'm going to sleep until ten on a Monday morning!" And, of course, I didn't.
At 8:36 AM, a horde of little siblings came charging through the halls outside my bedroom, screaming and shouting. But they didn't just run by once, they ran by several times, and then stopped outside my door, still screaming.
And that was the end of that. My plans for the morning were ruined. There was no way I was going to sleep anymore. My plan had failed.
Why do plans fail? Why can't things just always happen exactly how we want them to? Why is it that every time we try to do anything, we always end up disappointed? There are probably several reasons for this. Maybe there are millions, I don't know. Let me list some of my most common plan-eaters.
Number One: the plan wasn't very good in the first place. Maybe you were planning on driving off a cliff hoping the car would fly you to the other side safely. Bad plan. Maybe you were thinking about making a watermelon and cantaloupe smoothie. Depending on how you went about this, that could be a very bad plan. Trust me, I've tried.
Number Two: the plan was not planned out. Maybe you were going to drive off that cliff believing you had wings attached to your car, but had forgotten that you'd taken the wings off that morning to get them cleaned. Normally, in this case, driving off a cliff and hoping to fly would be perfectly alright, but you didn't plan the plan well enough to keep the wings on that day. Or maybe you were actually going to make a strawberry-banana smoothie, but all you had were watermelon and cantaloupe. It's your lack of planning that made your plan turn into a big, watery mess.
Number Three: Something unexpected happens. This is the one that we want to blame all our problems on. "It wasn't my fault!" or "How was I supposed to know?" are just excuses for our own shortcomings. At least, they are most of the time. There are times, however, where you have the wings on your car, you drive off the cliff, you're flying along, and suddenly an eagle comes out and attacks your wings and makes you fall to your death. Or, you've found a way to make a watermelon and cantaloupe smoothie without making a huge, watery mess and suddenly, your blender breaks.
So, basically, our plans fail. Repeatedly. Sometimes we can do something about it, sometimes we can't. We can make good plans, plan them carefully, and account for a million different possibilities. But, still, things can go terribly awry, and that's okay.
Without our plans going wrong, life would be terribly boring. If everything happened exactly how we wanted it to, the future would hold no value. If we got to do everything in life exactly how we want and when we want, we would be extremely boring people. Thank goodness life takes our plans and turns them upside down. Our lives stay interesting because they're unpredictable.
In about fifteen minutes I plan on picking my mom up from work. Tomorrow, I plan on seeing my older sister. Next week I plan on flying back to college. This year I plan on getting good grades in school. In two years from now I plan on graduating and getting a job. Several more years after that, I plan on marrying and having kids. I have plans for my life. Everyone does.
And there's nothing wrong with having plans. Plans are good, they give us a goal, a place to go in life. The problem comes when things don't go according to plan. Which happens every day.
This morning, I planned on sleeping in until ten, because it's Summer vacation, and I usually have to wake up really early on Monday mornings. Of course, I told my mom, my sister, and my friends, "I'm going to sleep until ten on a Monday morning!" And, of course, I didn't.
At 8:36 AM, a horde of little siblings came charging through the halls outside my bedroom, screaming and shouting. But they didn't just run by once, they ran by several times, and then stopped outside my door, still screaming.
And that was the end of that. My plans for the morning were ruined. There was no way I was going to sleep anymore. My plan had failed.
Why do plans fail? Why can't things just always happen exactly how we want them to? Why is it that every time we try to do anything, we always end up disappointed? There are probably several reasons for this. Maybe there are millions, I don't know. Let me list some of my most common plan-eaters.
Number One: the plan wasn't very good in the first place. Maybe you were planning on driving off a cliff hoping the car would fly you to the other side safely. Bad plan. Maybe you were thinking about making a watermelon and cantaloupe smoothie. Depending on how you went about this, that could be a very bad plan. Trust me, I've tried.
Number Two: the plan was not planned out. Maybe you were going to drive off that cliff believing you had wings attached to your car, but had forgotten that you'd taken the wings off that morning to get them cleaned. Normally, in this case, driving off a cliff and hoping to fly would be perfectly alright, but you didn't plan the plan well enough to keep the wings on that day. Or maybe you were actually going to make a strawberry-banana smoothie, but all you had were watermelon and cantaloupe. It's your lack of planning that made your plan turn into a big, watery mess.
Number Three: Something unexpected happens. This is the one that we want to blame all our problems on. "It wasn't my fault!" or "How was I supposed to know?" are just excuses for our own shortcomings. At least, they are most of the time. There are times, however, where you have the wings on your car, you drive off the cliff, you're flying along, and suddenly an eagle comes out and attacks your wings and makes you fall to your death. Or, you've found a way to make a watermelon and cantaloupe smoothie without making a huge, watery mess and suddenly, your blender breaks.
So, basically, our plans fail. Repeatedly. Sometimes we can do something about it, sometimes we can't. We can make good plans, plan them carefully, and account for a million different possibilities. But, still, things can go terribly awry, and that's okay.
Without our plans going wrong, life would be terribly boring. If everything happened exactly how we wanted it to, the future would hold no value. If we got to do everything in life exactly how we want and when we want, we would be extremely boring people. Thank goodness life takes our plans and turns them upside down. Our lives stay interesting because they're unpredictable.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Life is Crazy
Yes. Life is crazy. Not sometimes, but all the time.
Think about it. How many things in our daily lives don't make sense? How many times do we do things that don't need to be done? How often do we stop and think, "that was ridiculous."?
Women brush their hair. Hair is just dead cells protruding from the skull. Yet, women take great care of it and spend hours on it each day to make it look just right.
Each night, we pass out for 6-10 hours and stay completely unconscious. If we aren't unconscious the whole time, we become irritable and upset. And yet, the moment someone loses consciousness during daytime, they're rushed immediately to the hospital.
We spend so much time and energy, practically our entire lives, trying to be successful, only to lose it all when we die.
And these are just things that all humans do. Then there are things that we do ourselves that we find ridiculous. Today, I saw my dad for the first time after months away at college, and now I'm sitting in my bedroom typing blog posts instead of spending time with him. It seems dumb.
You're making breakfast in the morning, and instead of putting your bread in the toaster, you stick it in the blender. Five minutes later, you're running out the door, and you can't find your toast. That's when you realize your idiotic mistake.
I spend months planning and getting ready for something, like a party, or a presentation, or a road trip, only to find myself too exhausted when the day actually comes to properly enjoy or host what it is I'm supposed to be doing.
Life is crazy. Life is weird. Life is one big jumbled mess. This blog is simply my way of explaining that to the world. Once you realize life is crazy, you can deal with it and move on. If you're already at that point, you can laugh at it. If you're not, read on.
Think about it. How many things in our daily lives don't make sense? How many times do we do things that don't need to be done? How often do we stop and think, "that was ridiculous."?
Women brush their hair. Hair is just dead cells protruding from the skull. Yet, women take great care of it and spend hours on it each day to make it look just right.
Each night, we pass out for 6-10 hours and stay completely unconscious. If we aren't unconscious the whole time, we become irritable and upset. And yet, the moment someone loses consciousness during daytime, they're rushed immediately to the hospital.
We spend so much time and energy, practically our entire lives, trying to be successful, only to lose it all when we die.
And these are just things that all humans do. Then there are things that we do ourselves that we find ridiculous. Today, I saw my dad for the first time after months away at college, and now I'm sitting in my bedroom typing blog posts instead of spending time with him. It seems dumb.
You're making breakfast in the morning, and instead of putting your bread in the toaster, you stick it in the blender. Five minutes later, you're running out the door, and you can't find your toast. That's when you realize your idiotic mistake.
I spend months planning and getting ready for something, like a party, or a presentation, or a road trip, only to find myself too exhausted when the day actually comes to properly enjoy or host what it is I'm supposed to be doing.
Life is crazy. Life is weird. Life is one big jumbled mess. This blog is simply my way of explaining that to the world. Once you realize life is crazy, you can deal with it and move on. If you're already at that point, you can laugh at it. If you're not, read on.
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